No relationship can have true equality between partners. In any relationship one partner or another will generally end up being the dominant force. Most of us however strive for an ideal of equality, this impossible goal often leads to resentment and conflict, becoming one of the reasons that relationships are so difficult to maintain today.
In the end, no matter what the issue might be, someone, an individual must make the final decision. When the decision is mutually agreed upon all is well. When there is disagreement argument results as each partner tries to get his or her way, his or her point accepted.
The partner on the loosing side of the argument can grow resentful about the outcome, the partner on the prevailing side of the argument can grow resentful about being forced into confrontation.
Female supremacist relationships are often criticized for their inherent inequality, but one has to wonder if the criticisms are justified. Someone will end up being the dominant partner in any relationship anyway, it just will not be stated so bluntly, and will likely not be mutually agreed upon. Is it not valid to openly pursue a relationship in which the male willingly forgoes his own desires in favor of his dominants?
Absolute authority, absolute submission, such relationships can bring joy and fulfillment to those who pursue them for a myriad of reasons, not the least of which is the greatly reduced opportunity for conflict in a relationship of individuals who openly acknowledge and accept their dominant and submissive roles, who mutually agree upon their superior and inferior status within the relationship.
While not for everyone such relationships should be celebrated not condemned.
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24 comments:
Great blog!
would you like to consider links exchange?
http://gotcum.blogspot.com
Milliscent-
Well, you know you won't get any argument from me on this one.
While I do not believe in 'global' FemSupreme, I seek it in my relationships. I want to choose a Domina partner who is so trustworthy as to allow us to have a FemSupreme relationship.
My very best relationship was a FemDom one, and asymmetric power makes for smoother, less dysfunctional relationships.
-saratoga
I never really gave it thought before but yes there is always a dominant in a relationship.
Sometimes power can switch, which I suppose on reflection gives a kind of balance.
An interesting post Milliscent.
So, a question. When it is a Male dom and Female sub - it is a "male supremacist relationship"? I ask, because I've been pondering lately if there in fact isn't a difference - that they are not parallel. I was at a munch that discussed LTR and to a man, every Male Dom who had a sub wound up almost misty eyed about how special she was, how much he loved her, and musing about who in fact had the power and how power was given back and forth in fact.
By contrast the fewer Fem Doms who described their subs were rather patronizing - talking more as one would of a puppy than a person, and speaking endlessly about training him and the pain of that and how eventually he might be worthy.
Now, that's just one munch. But it got me wondering - it almost sounded as if the power dynamics were not at all parallel.
Harley,
That is because they are not, in fact, parallel.
Male doms get weepy eyed and unsure because their femsubs were in control...topping from the bottom.
Female dommes get arrogant because they were actually in control.
What is a "Female Supremacist Relationship"?
I agree completely. The conflict in my relationship with my wife has become almost nonexistent.
When conflict happens, it's always my fault, even if "objectively" it's not. In short, Mistress is always right, even if she's wrong. :-) :-)
Would you agree that male supremacist relations, when mutually agreed, should, also, be celebrated and not condemned?
Speaking for just me, I would condemn male supremacist relationships. I find them repulsive. Then again, I'm a male submissive, so that should not be a complete surprise.
-saratoga
mast2rbator,
Thank you. I am glad to learn that you enjoy my little blog.
Judging from yours, it looks as if you might benefit from a visit to my studio! It would be great fun outfitting you with a nice chastity device.
saratoga,
Trust, as you mention is the key. One can't give authority away, at least not gladly to someone he does not trust. That trust takes time to build, more importantly it takes a quality individual to hold it.
Like you, I am not a believer in 'global female supremacy,' surely the world is home to many positively awful women, and vast numbers of wonderful men. To somehow claim that the woman sitting in jail for beating her children is somehow superior to the man who raises his own children with love and understanding is of course absurd. It is however the argument which underlies statements that all women are superior to all men.
In any event, I don't think that there are many people out there who actually believe in 'global female supremacy,' rather I think that it is a very hot fantasy to talk about, so it gets lots and lots of attention.
suze,
Thank you. I'm pleased that you enjoyed the post.
I think lots of folks have a hard time accepting the fact that one partner will be dominant in a relationship because of our collective striving for equality. It doesn't seem to fit with modern values. Hard realities to face are sometimes important to face though and I think that there are important benefits to the owning of this particular reality.
You are of course correct, power can sometimes switch between partners. I have watched that happen from time to time, and it is interesting to see how people change.
harley,
I think that terms like female supremacist were probably coined by male subs, I've not heard male dominated relationships labeled nearly as vividly as female dominated ones.
As to your more important question, I don't think that the power dynamics between the average female dominated relationship are parallel with the average male dominated relationship. I do think that there are differences, but I don't have experience with male dominated relationships, so cannot know what they are, only like you observe that they seem to exist.
Alexis,
Thank you for providing your perspective, my hunch, based upon the information harley was able to provide is that you are likely correct in your analysis of what he saw.
He did mention "musing about who in fact had the power and how power was given back and forth in fact."
as,
A relationship in which the female is the boss.
Laura's boy,
And a life without ongoing conflict can be blissful indeed!
It's Friday evening, I hope your punishment tonight is lots of fun for her, and educational for you!
anonymous,
I have no desire to condemn any relationship to which all partners consent. I believe that individuals should be free to make their own choices provided that those choices don't interfere with anyone else's rights.
Celebrate? That is a different question. I will leave the celebration of such relationships to those who practice them and believe them to be beneficial.
saratoga,
As I mentioned above I have no desire to condemn such a relationship, but I understand where your powerful feelings come from as I have a bit of 'squickyness' when considering such relationships myself.
Given the fact that this is still a patriarchal society. Given that spousal abuse is rampant in our society and that men are generally the abusers. Given that spousal rape is rampant in our society. Lastly given that men generally both physically stronger and more aggressive than the women in their lives I have to wonder if in a true 24/7/365 Total Power Exchange Male Dominated relationship the woman has truly given informed consent.
I am certain that such relationships do exist which are fully consented to and which are healthy for both partners. I am also certain however that such relationships exist that are not fully consented to, and which are not healthy for both partners.
I also notice that from time to time male dominants are charged with crimes for the things they do with their female submissives. Those who follow such things will recall that the SM Activist mailing list maintained by the NCSF has been abuz with one such case these past few weeks. One doesn't hear of similar cases in which the roles were reversed.
For all these reasons I am 'squicky' about such relationships. I can't condemn them though.
What about age? If a woman in her fifties convinces a sixteen-year old boy to be her slave, are you OK with that, or does that also peg you suickiness meter?
anonymous,
The age range you mention should be condemned for a number of reasons including:
A 16 year old is not capable of giving informed consent in the situation you mention.
Our government has rightly placed a situation such as you mention outside of our laws.
For want of a better term to describe the situation you mention I can just say that child molestation is rightly condemned by our society and society is justified in prosecuting those who offend in this way.
All of that said, give me a nice grown man and a teacher unruly student role-play scenario and it can be mighty hot indeed.
Do you accept, then, that if this 16-year old boy raped a 50-year old woman, then he should be treated by the government as a juvenile? (You did use the words "child molestation", so it appears that you feel that the 16-year old boy is a child).
anonymous,
I did as you mention use the words 'child molestation.' I also however pointed out that the term was not a good one in the context.
It is my understanding that under our laws minors are to be tried as juveniles unless with all due process our judicial system determines in each individual case that the individual should for whatever reason be tried as an adult instead. I do not have an argument with that system. We elect or appoint based upon where we live judges and prosecutors, we hire or have appointed based upon our means defense counsel. I believe that in most cases these people do their jobs well, and our system works well.
There are of course exceptions.
hey Milli
didn't know youhad a blog. learend a bunch of stuff aboutyou that I didn't know when I we've "talked". I always figured you were originally a female sub who turend to domme ( your customer service and followu p is excellent) didn't know you wer into female supremacy and open marriage
i suppose this will just generate a whole new set of fantasies as I wuld love to cook for you not so hot on cleaning however
anonymous,
I hope that you enjoyed the blog.
I did, when I was very young, years ago briefly explore the submissive role. I hated it and haven't had any desire to try it again.
Thank you for your compliments on my follow-up. I try my best to make sure everyone I come into contact with knows how much I appreciate them.
My fantasies, and my lifestyle have grown and changed through the years. I imagine that they will continue to do so for a long time to come.
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